Evangelism in Death and Loss
What Does Jesus Have to Say Regarding Stages of Death and Loss?
Tony Cleaver prepared for Chapel South Texas School of Christian Studies
October 13, 2016
INTRODUCTION
Student Scripture Reading: Job 2: 11-13; and Job 16: 1-5
Jesus did not leave the work of evangelism to the banking industry. He did not leave it to governmental agencies-particularly political parties. He did not leave it to secular educational institutions. He did not leave it to any corporate entity. He left the work of evangelism to those who are called by His
Name – Christians. He left it to those who work for Christ and His Church.
Doing the work of an evangelist is a day by day normal and full time occupation. It comes from a life of piety. Piety is a good word. It simply means the practice of one’s faith. Evangelism comes from that inner glow of knowing Christ; rather perhaps of being known by Him. Our lives glow with Him to an expression of evangelism. Sometimes we have to use words in evangelism.
You have heard the reading of the Job passages. The comforters were at fist good and positive. They kept their mouths shut. They sat down with Job in the ashes of his pain. Later Job called them miserable comforters. They had plied Job with secular philosophies of the day-and they are still prevalent. Young men and women don’t be miserable comforters when you minister to family, neighbors, or parishioners in
death or loss. Do not ever say to a parent, “God took your little boy/girl because He needed another angel in heaven.”
That is absolutely false! Do not ever say to a grieving spouse at the loss of a mate, “I know just how your feel.” No, you don’t! Simply say “I am sorry for your loss. Please accept my sympathy.” As those who work for Christ and His Church we need to be aware of some of the feelings of death and loss. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her seminal 1969 book On Death and Dying brought to the forefront some valid stages we need to be
aware of as we minister to people in death and loss. It is not the words of Kubler-Ross that are able to salve the soul. We must take the message and words of Jesus to those who are gripped with the agony of death and loss.
DENIAL
As we come to death and loss, what does Jesus have to say about denial? “I can’t believe this is happening. I just saw her/him yesterday. This isn’t happening; this can’t be happening.” It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the
fist wave of pain.
Jesus talked with a very educated and religiously experienced man named Nicodemus in John 3. Nicodemus was unbelieving and in denial at what Jesus told him. “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked. Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.” “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
So for those caught in the throes of denial, we must share the words of hope to be born from above by the very words of the living Christ.
ANGER
The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. They may begin to feel anger at the loss and the unfairness of it. What are the words of Jesus at anger? Look at John 11 as it speaks of death at the Lazarus family. Both sisters, one by one, come to express some anger toward Jesus for allowing their brother to die. “Lord,” Martha said to
Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
These are the words of Jesus to a grieving sister. These are the words to a grieving family today who is angry at God for allowing this to happen in their family. Now Mary gets into the act: “When Mary reached
the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
It is interesting Jesus’ response: 35 “Jesus wept.” It is perfectly allowable and desirable for you to minister to those in death and loss with feelings expressed in your own tears. Yet Jesus’ tears came through in great words that we can share with those like Mary: “When he had said this, Jesus called
in a loud voice, ‘Lazarus, come out!’” “The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of
linen, and a cloth around his face.” Jesus’ words bring life to those who have no hope in the
hopelessness of death and loss.
BARGAINING
In this stage, people beg their “higher power” to undo the loss, saying things along the lines of, “I’ll change if you bring her (or him) back to me”. This phase usually involves promises of better behavior or significant life changes which will be made in exchange for the reversal of the loss. What does Jesus have to say regarding this stage of death and loss? In Matthew 5:6 we read these words: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filed.” This beatitude tells us that Jesus Himself will fill us with all that we long for. Hunger is a gnawing pain. Thirst is still more intense. A drink of water becomes more desirable than the gold that glitters on the figer of wealth. Jesus will
give us our fill for He is that bread of life.
As we come to the Lord’s Table we are celestially nourished on His body and on His blood that came down from heaven. The bargain is that he will supply our needs as we come to Him.
DEPRESSION
Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to
separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
What does Jesus have to say about this stage of death and loss? His words to us in Matthew 6.13 are these: “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” Depression is a terrible state and can overcome our very being at time of death and loss. It can incapacitate us, make us miserable, and lead us to behaviors that are not rational. There is evil in this world. Like Simon Peter, the “roaring lion” does go about to eat us up. The strength and power of His words here are for a purpose. If we are in trouble, call for help. If we are drowning, call the lifeguard. Jesus knew we would need help as those who wear skin suits. So He put this part in His Model Prayer for us who are in dire need due to
death and loss.
ACCEPTANCE
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. Finally (if all goes according to Dr. Kubler-Ross’s plan), people enter a stage of Acceptance where they have processed their initial grief emotions, are able to accept that the loss has occurred and cannot be undone, and are once again able to plan for their futures and re-engage in daily life.
What does Jesus have to say about this phase of death and loss? We read His words in Matthew 6. 10: “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” Wow! What a big part of the Model Prayer from His lips and from His heart!
Can you imagine right now any corner of heaven that His will is not being done by myriads and myriads of those around the throne? Certainly not! As we come to see that our place is here on earth to move along in life to do His will, how marvelous that we can share in this glorious adventure! How wonderful to know that Jesus loves me. The most profound fact in the world is in the little song:
“Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.”
CONCLUSION
Doing the work of an evangelist is a daily task that must be normal in our life routine. We will encounter death and loss. We will encounter it with family, friends, and parishioners. Only the words of Jesus can offer any hope or consolation to those gripped in its terrible throes.
John Bunyan tells the story of the man with the muck rake. We need to remind ourselves of this story
and we must remind those in death and loss of this story. The man with the muck rake could only look down to rake the muck (Those who live on a farm understand what muck in a barn full of animals really is.) He would back and forth rake the straw, the sticks the dirt, and the muck-back and forth and back and forth.
Day in and day our his work was to work the muck-always face toward the ground as the dust of muck and dirt and straw filed his nostrils and clouded his vision. He could look no way but down. Above him stood an angel who proffered (offered-I love that word proffered) him a golden crown. If he would only look up to see the celestial being and the golden crown offered him! But he would not look up. He kept raking the muck, the sticks, and the straw. All he time the angel held out the offer of the golden crown.
Young ladies and young men, there is an angel offering a golden crown to us who minister to those in grief and loss. If only we would look up. If only we could see the words of Jesus! There is a golden crown to those who are in despair. We must take the words of Jesus to them so they can look up!
