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relationships

From God’s Word & My Heart

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by Pastor Ben Kingston • Bethel Baptist Church • Lonedell, MO

“Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox.” Proverbs 14:4

If you’re reading along on these articles, hopefully you dealt with “bitterness” in January and achieved an attitude of “forgiveness” in February.

Now, I’d like to add some practical advice in life and church life in particular. I hope you will allow me some latitude here, and know that there is no better, nor more dedicated cheerleader of Brad Banderman than myself.

With that said, I have publicly stated many times that 20 years ago when Brad started out, his personality and antics, shall we say, rubbed a few people the wrong way – in particular a few of my pastoral friends. More than once they would say to me “Boy, I am glad you have him.” They would chuckle, of course, and I knew they were not complimenting me or Brad.
But here was the truth: as “obnoxious” as Brad could be, he was an amazing Youth Director. So, after a few years of listening to that and the annoying chuckle that followed, I chose to respond to one of them and I said “I am glad also, because if you had him you would have ruined Him.” Needless to say, that ended the conversation. To that gentleman’s credit, after working closely with Brad a few years later in an associational ministry, he told me, “Ben, I was wrong about Brad; that guy is something and the Lord has blessed you with a real treasure.”

In speaking with my former Pastor, John Smith, he revealed that he had been told the same thing about me years ago. I guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree!

Now, what is the point of all this? Look at the verse again: No ox = clean crib; ox = no clean crib. But, did you catch it? There is much strength by the ox…… wait for it….. To get the strength of the ox you must put up with, and yes, shovel some manure.

There it is! One of the most amazing spiritual truths I have ever realized and put to work in the ministry!

It doesn’t matter who they are, if they are a human (ox) they are a sinner and have nuances and hang ups and quirks that will drive you batty on occasion. They also have a spiritual gift: the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, a God-given personality, and a God-given burden for their church and ministry. If we will disciple them, lead them, guide them, and get out of their way, they will grow a great work for and through God.

So, the next time you think, “I am going to ring that monkey’s neck,” remember the verse. Gotta shovel some poop to get the hard work that only the ox can do. May your fields be fruitful and your cribs…well, you get the idea.

The Most Important Piece of Furniture in the Home

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I know many of you would say the bed is the most important piece of furniture in your home. Ha! And I would be the first to agree that crawling into your own bed for a nap or a good night’s rest is a great thing. But I am looking at the piece
of furniture that would have the greatest impact on the family for good. And to that end, there is no comparison to the dining table. Even in one of the most iconic pictures that we see of a portrayal of Jesus; he is at the table eating with friends during the Last Supper. The dining table is the most important piece of furniture in your home for building family bonding and cohesiveness.

Of course that assumes that the family actually uses the dining table. And that they have boundaries and house rules
for the table traditions. The reason the table is so important; is not the food consumed. It is the conversation that is carried out. Communication is the key to a close family. The more we communicate, the better and stronger we become.
No matter what the problem in the home; as long as we keep a dialogue of open, honest and loving communication between
family members, all problems can be solved with God’s help. Hopefully, Christian families sit down at the table to eat and
start the entire process off with the most important form of communication – and that is prayer. The family that prays
together – stays together.

Since biblical times, the breaking of bread together as a family was critical for social bonding. It offers opportunities
for inter-generational exchange of ideas and values. It is checking in with your family. It is fiding out what is going on in
their day. It is a great time to teach family doctrine. During the course of conversation with children, there are many opportunities to speak of what is right and wrong and how we should handle situations. Talking at the dinner table is where a family can learn how to respond to life in general on a daily basis. It can be a time of sharing, learning and dreaming together.

It does not have to be all conversation of signifiant meaning either. Just sitting around talking about anything builds time
together as a family. Some of my greatest memories are sitting around with my extended family at the dining room table during the holidays. There was so much laughter. Story telling for 2 hours after eating was quite possible. This is where little
children and grandchildren learn so much of who they are as a people. They hear stories of how it was in the old days. They
hear parents, grandparents and others share how they survived or made it through some situation. And all the family learns
the value of laughter. It is good medicine. Families should make meal times enjoyable with lots of stories that often times
begin with….. do you remember the time when……

But we need a few simple rules to insure that meals times are pleasant experiences for all Tense situations or difficult
topics are off limits. Grades, who you are dating or not going to date, the horror of work etc… should be discussed at
family meetings, or another time. If an argument ensues; adults must make sure to say we can talk about it after supper. Siblings are not allowed to make fun of, or put others down. People should be encouraged during meal times.
Everyone should have an opportunity to share their day, but do not have to be forced to share. It should be a happy
time. Sensitive family issues are put aside for another time. Arguments are never allowed at the table.

The cell phone is the single greatest destroyer of family communication. All families must set a hard “house
rule” of no cell phones at the dinner table. You surely can go an hour talking with your family gathered around the
table without your phone. If you can’t, then you need to get help for your phone addiction. Adults always find
excuses for themselves. It is work. There might be an emergency. People found out about emergencies and dealt with them for thousands of years before cell phones. There is no e-mail or text from work that is more important than family time together. Of course, none of this matters if the family doesn’t actually eat together. You must find time to eat together at the table multiple times per week. The more the better. Yes, we are all busy and having to run here and there. Yes, young
people always want to be engaged with electronics like TV or music. We must come apart or we will fall apart. We
must build in time to talk and eat and be together with no outside inflences. And yes it does need to be at the table.
It forces you to look into each other’s eyes. Sitting on the couch or floor can mean no eye contact. Biblical families
always broke bread together with those they loved. So did Jesus. We must get back to this important aspect of family life. It’s a major factor in a loving family.

Article provided by…
Family Ark Ministries
Travis Plumlee, Director
P.O. Box 163 • Mountain View, Arkansas 72560
E-mail: kingofthemountain@mvtel.net
WebSite: travisplumlee.com